Nemuru Usagi by Konohara Narise
Nov. 15th, 2006 08:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
insanenekoI finally am getting around to writing about another Konohara Narise novel I thoroughly enjoyed that is sadly out-of-print, Nemuru Usagi. Satomi Kouichi, a rather ordinary, straight high school student, ends up dating a man ten years his senior and a teacher at his school, Takahashi Makoto. Er...I can't seem to say much more regarding the plot without turning into a scary, full-blown summary (see below ^^;), so I'll just say this: The novel is a love story, yes, but more than that I think of it as a journey of personal growth for Kouchi. He goes from being insensitive, immature, and unthinking (in a stupid kid kind of a way) to somewhat less insensitive, immature, and unthinking. It takes life experiences to grow up, and he gets that in spades. The side story is set later and is from Takahashi's POV, and completes their story. It was a very satisfying read, overall. Not uber-angsty or flashy, it was more down-to-earth and real.
It all started out as a joke, with his classmates putting together a letter in response to a classified in a gay magazine they had bought as a joke. Another classmate, Endo Minori, whom Kouichi secretly liked, suggested they actually mail the letter and put Kouichi's name and address on it. He didn't think a) she'd send it and b) the guy would respond. When he actually got a response setting up a meeting he was at first going to ignore it, but once again at Endo's insistence he agrees to covertly check out the gay guy. He wants to actually get closer to Endo. They observe the guy they think is the one, and when he departs they leave as well. But just as they leave Kouichi realizes that they had been mistaken and that the guy who wrote the letter was the man Endo had earlier pointed out as a teacher at their school, Takahashi Makoto. Kouichi spends the rest of the day shopping with Endo, but decides to go back alone. He finds Takahashi still sitting their, four hours later. He wavers on whether to just leave or not, but finally approaches Takahashi. Takahashi gives a fake name and occupation. Kouichii's real name had been in the letter, but it had stated he was in college (obviously, since a high school student is still a minor...). They have a conversation full of lies (talking about their fake job and school major and present state). When Takahashi asks to see him again, Kouichi is hesitant. He doesn't really intend on going out with a guy, but he feels kind of bad and ends up asking for Takahashi's phone number.
At school his friend Kakimoto sees the slip of paper with Takahashi's phone number. He had seen Kouichi and Endo together the other day. He had initially thought they were on a date as he knew Kouichi liked her. But he grows suspicious and makes Kouichi confess. He is disgusted by Kouichi's actions, of first going to check out a gay guy to get closer to the girl he likes, then ending up meeting the guy out of guilt and pity. Kakimoto mercilessly tells him to do the right thing and cleanly break it off with Takahashi. So Kouichi calls Takahashi, but is put off balance by Takahashi's considerate and gentle (though timid) manner. Takahashi confesses that he didn't think Kouichi would call again and was very happy that he did. When Takahashi invites him to join him at the cafe they had first met, Kouichi hastily makes up some excuse and hangs up without saying anything about not meeting anymore. Kouichi curses Kakimoto for urging him to call.
Kouichi later tries to contact Takahashi to decline and break things off but wasn't able to contact him, so ends up meeting him at the cafe. He finds himself in a dilemma, because it'd be too harsh for him honestly says that it had been all a joke and that he didn't want to see Takahashi anymore. He wants to get Kakimoto's advice, but that would mean confessing that he hadn't spoken to Takahashi properly yet. But when Takahashi asks if he'd like to go to a museum that day, he manages to get the nerve to confess to Takahashi that he had lied in the letter about being a college student and his hobbies and such (but not about being really young or it all having been a joke). Takahashi tells him he's fine with it, because Kouichi's confession shows that he's actually an honest person. Faced with Takahashi's gentle acceptance, Kouichi again can't speak straight and ends up figuring that he can spend half a day with the guy as an apology for lying (and continuing to lie) and agrees to go with Takahashi to the museum. He finds the exhibits interesting in spite of his low expectations and ends up at a cafe again. They get into a discussion about movies they've seen, and Kouichi finds Takahashi's viewpoint, very different from his own, interesting. Kouichi ends up telling Kakimoto about his failure and gets scolded for once again prolonging things when he's not even remotely serious. He tells Kakimoto that this time he'll break things off, even though he was interested in the different world he could experience with Takahashi.
He calls Takahashi every other day with the intention of breaking things off, but ends up just talking with him and having to hang up in a hurry when his mother comes home. Though they talked about trivial, ordinary things, they'd end up talking for long periods of time. They also meet, and Kouichi finds the kinds of places Takahashi takes him very different from the places he goes to with his friends, and refreshing. On their next date at the beach, the talk turns to Takahashi's past. He tells Kouichi that he had moved out of his home to attend a distant high school to get away from his best friend, with whom he had been in love with. Kouichi finds Takahashi at that moment to be rather alluring, and almost kisses Takahashi. Takahashi realizes Kouichi's intent and closes his eyes, but Kouichi comes to himself and doesn't follow through. Takahashi looked hurt, and Kouichi thinks that maybe he should have kissed him once. He becomes frightened and his head spins that he could think things of this grown man. But he does end up touching Takahashi's hand lightly (even though he knew that it'd raise Takahashi's expectations). Takahashi lightly gripped Kouichi's hand, though he never looked at him, gazing out into the sea.
The next day he inadvertently lets out that he hasn't broken things off to Kakimoto (more like Kakimoto tricked him into it...). He makes excuses like that the timing was never right, etc. but Kakimoto won't have none of it. He lays it out, saying that Takahashi isn't interested in being Kouichi's "friend." Kouichi protests that even if Takahashi wants more it's all up to him. They had only held hands, after all. Kakimoto points out that normally a guy doesn't want to hold hands with another guy. He tells Kouichi that he's treading in dangerous waters in which things can only escalate.
Kouichi ends up not showing up for their fourth date. He wanted to call to cancel but didn't because he thought he wouldn't be able to actually do it. He was consumed with guilt and anxiety the entire day of the date, but as the days passed his guilt lessened. He thought he'd be okay at this rate. But two weeks later he passed Takahashi in a hallway at school. Takahashi hadn't noticed him, but Kouichi was struck by how ordinary he was and how they passed each other by like strangers. He wondered how he ever felt a thrill towards Takahashi at the beach.
Kouichi calls Takahashi and apologizes for standing him up. Takahashi is upset and thinks that Kouichi doesn't actually want to see him. He says he thinks it might be better if they shouldn't see each other anymore. Kouichi posits that Takahashi had been waiting for hours that day, and Takahashi tells him it's unpleasant to be tested in such a way. Kouichi is surprised that the timid and reserved Takahashi would show his anger in any way (though Takahashi's "showing of anger" isn't much by normal standards...^^;), and imagines how Takahashi must have been upset and confused and mortified...and suddenly wants to see Takahashi. When he says he wants to see Takahashi, Takahashi replies that he doesn't. So Kouichi tells him he's going to go to the cafe they always meet at right then and will wait for him and hangs up. He knew that Takahashi wouldn't be able to not show up.
And of course Takahashi shows up. Kouichi apologizes for suddenly saying wanting to meet. Takahashi tells him he thought he was going to be stood up again. He asks if Kouichi was going to wait for him the whole time if he hadn't shown up. Kouichi replies unthinkingly that he didn't think that Takahashi wouldn't come. Takahashi glares at him and comments that Kouichi was quite confident. Takahashi comes out and tells Kouichi that he can't stand being at Kouichi's whim. He asks that Kouichi tell him clearly if he doesn't want to see him. Kouichi recognizes that Takahashi likes him. Instead of addressing Takahashi's words, he asks if Takahashi had waited for him to call the entire time. Takahashi wants him to listen to him, but Kouchi asks if Takahashi likes him. Takahashi once again glares at him and asks why he's asking. Kouchi ponders Takahashi's question. Why did he even call Takahashi out? He could see him at school. But he wanted to talk to him, even though they talked about trivial matters since they were both lying about themselves. He sees Takahashi biting his nail, his white, slender fingers...and, ignoring Takahashi's question, asks if he can hold his hand. Takahashi notices Kouichi's attention and stops biting his nail. When Kouchi reaches out to him he hides his hands behind his back. Kouchi wraps his arms around Takahashi to touch his hands. Their bodies close together at this point, Kouchi brings his face closer to Takahashi and attempts to kiss him. Thwarted at first by Takahashi's glasses, he angles Takahashi's face up and kisses him.
Kouichi's mind is quite agitated. He wants to kiss and hold Takahashi. He doesn't know what to do with himself. Takahashi presses his hand to his lip and flushes bright red. Kouichi, seeing him embarrassed, starts feeling embarrassed as well and turns red. He asks Takahashi to meet him again. Takahashi tells him he doesn't want to, though his voice was terribly small. When Kouichi tells him he won't make him wait, Takahashi grips Kouichi's hand tightly instead of responding with words.
After that Kouichi itched to see Takahashi and arranged to meet him not only on Sundays but on weeknights as well (when his mother was working at night). On those nights they just met for coffee, talked, and kissed in secret. He found himself wanting more. Though he knew of French kissing, he had never done it nor could practice. So one night he just whispered to Takahashi to open his mouth. He found himself even more excited and wanting even more afterwards. Kouichi hadn't known that being in love meant wanting more and more all the time.
One day at school as he was about to leave to meet Takahashi, Endo confronts Kouichi. She had seen Kouichi kissing Takahashi. She asks what made Kouichi change his mind about going out with a guy. She asks if Kouichi had always liked guys. She prods him, claiming that since he had lied to her she had the right to know. He tells her he doesn't want to tell her. He didn't want her to look at him with curiosity. He wondered if she would find it amusing or laugh at him if he did tell her. She then says that if he won't tell her then she'll just ask Takahashi. He grabs her arm to stop her. He couldn't let her do that because Takahashi would be shocked to find out Kouichi was a high school student and had been lying to him. He tells her not to say anything to him. She realizes he's serious about Takahashi, and asks if it hadn't been gross to kiss a guy. He felt like he'd been smacked upside the head. He had thought kissing another man was gross, but because he had fallen for Takahashi he had been able to get over it. But he realized that from Endo's viewpoint it was gross, and that she wouldn't be able to understand his feelings. He finally realized the truth of Kakimoto's words to not toy with people's feelings. Endo then says maybe she'll just tell everyone in class if he won't tell her. While she may have been joking, Kouichi couldn't afford to treat her words like a joke. He basically threatens her, pushing her against the wall. She acts like she was joking, but he knows she was scared. She bursts into tears, but Kouichi didn't feel guilty at all, just angry.
That night he isn't himself with Takahashi. He's preoccupied and doesn't pay attention to Takahashi. They watch a movie that night, but Kouichi is sunk in his own thoughts. He hates that he got violent with a girl and made her cry, instead of just asking her not to say anything and reasoning with her. But at the same time he thinks that she was pretty damn awful herself with her attitude and her insensitivity and her mockery...and realizes he had been just like her in the beginning. He sees how falling in love has changed him. He's a bit afraid of it, but doesn't want to not be in love at all.
Afterwards, Kouichi asks to see Takahashi's room. He overcomes Takahashi's objections (it's late, the room's messy) by threatening to not see him again. He knows that Takahashi really likes him and won't be able to say no. Of course Kouichi puts the moves on Takahashi at Takahashi's apartment. But Takahashi puts the break on things because he has to come clean. He had initially lied to protect himself, but finds that no matter what he'll be hurt since he's so in love with Kouichi (he doesn't come out and say it but basically we get the idea). Kouichi finds Takahashi and his confession adorable and dear, and so back to the sex. But the sex is...sweetly awkward. Things don't go right at all (Will I fit in there? Seriously?). Kouichi doesn't know what he's doing, and confesses that he doesn't. So they try again, this time with less tension, and things more or less work out (sort of...^^;).
After that Kouichi and Takahashi meet every night Kouichi's mom is working and all weekend long. As they have more sex they get used to it and to each other. They also talked a lot, especially Takahashi, who had been freed of having to lie about himself. Kouichi thought about coming clean as well, but didn't know how or when. He knew that Takahashi was already a bit anxious about their supposed five year age difference and didn't think he'd handle finding out that Kouichi was in fact ten years his junior and a student at his school...He wanted to wait at least until he wasn't a high school student anymore.
Turns out that Kouichi had become fairly popular with the girls at school. He had never gotten a single confession before, but now it was constant. He didn't understand the sudden change as he hadn't done anything. Kakimoto comments that Kouichi's settled down. Kouichi had been wishing to be more mature and settled down, and apparently it showed. Of course he wanted to be that way for his timid boyfriend and not to become popular with the girls. He even has another encounter with Endo. She approaches him for a talk. She notes that everyone is saying that Kouichi's become very cool lately, but that she doesn't think so at all. Kouichi admits that he doesn't think he's cool at all. Endo asks if he's still going out with Takahashi. When he says yes, she asks what about him does he like. When he answers, "Everything?" she calls him an idiot. Kouichi then thanks her for not saying anything to anyone, because Takahashi wouldn't have been able to stand the rumors. She slaps him and runs off. Only when she's gone does he realize why she had called him out...
When he goes back to his classroom, he finds himself called out by...Takahashi. Of course Takahashi has finally seen him at school, and is completely devastated. He thinks himself a fool for having swallowed Kouichi's story whole and doesn't want to hear any of Kouichi's excuses. When Kakimoto asks what's between a teacher Kouichi has never been taught by and Kouichi, it comes out that Takahashi is the guy Kouichi has been going out with. Kouichi tells him that he knows full well that Takahashi is a guy, older, and a teacher and is still going out with him, so it should be a problem. When Kouichi goes over to Takahashi's apartment afterschool, Takahashi rejects him (and his school uniform, which he is still wearing). He asks if he enjoyed playing around with a older teacher from his school. Kouichi protests that he wasn't playing around with him. Takahashi cries and continues to reject him, so Kouichi decides to show him physically rather than verbally since Takahashi wouldn't listen to him. Afterwards, he has to leave because his mom was coming home that night but without any kind of resolution.
Kouichi did not see Takahashi at school the next day. He goes to the apartment and ends up camping out in front of the door for as long as possible (getting in trouble with his mom as well). After several days he finds that Takahashi has moved. He finds out the next day that Takahashi has been absent due to illness. His odd and rather worrisome behavior causes Kakimoto to caution Kouichi to not cause too much anxiety. He spends his weekend in front of the empty apartment and looks for him at school on Monday. Afterschool Kakimoto mentions seeing Takahashi, and Kouichi tries running to find him. Kakimoto stops him, saying he can look for him the next day. Kouichi is anxious and wants to see him immediately, but Kakimoto tells him he should calm down first. Kouichi is overwhelmed by his feelings and starts cryings. Kakimoto tells him that if Takahashi ends up disappearing between today and tomorrow, he'll help look for him. He apologizes for calling Kouichi strange for the whole dating a guy thing.
The next day Kouichi finally manages to talk to Takahashi. Takahashi wants to break up. He is mortified and full of regret that he had been so gullible and foolish. Kouichi keeps bringing up the fact that Takahashi loves him. Takahashi admits it, but doesn't want to have anything to do with Kouichi. Kouichi feels betrayed that all Takahashi wants to do is run away from him, at Takahashi's timidness. He agrees to break up. He tells Takahashi that Takahashi will always be alone and will regret having pushed Kouichi away. No one will love a cowardly and unfair guy like Takahashi. Takahashi responds back, saying he can't keep living indebted to a boyfriend 10 years his junior, at the mercy of Kouichi's whims, just waiting. Their conversation is interrupted and they part ways.
Kouichi has dreams about their last conversation, and wakes up crying. He hates feeling all this sorrow and pain and regrets falling in love. He regrets going to see the guy in the letter, and all the actions he took afterwards. He sees him several weeks later in the hallway. Takahashi drops all the stuff he was carrying, and Kouichi helps pick them up. He ignores Takahashi's admonishment to go to class as he'll be late. When Takahashi asks him to not be so nice to him, like picking things up for him. Kouichi felt completely rejected because Takahashi wouldn't even accept common courtesy from him. He throws everything back down again.
Kouichi's end of term test results are dismal, which he knows is from a lack of caring. On the last day of the term he is called to the music room by Kakimoto. It turns out that Kakimoto figures Kouichi needs to really finish things off with Takahashi, so he locks Kouichi and Takahashi in a room (Takahashi had been called and locked in earlier).
Takahashi has no clue what's going on, and demands (in his very polite way) to know what's going on. Kouichi can't tell him the truth (that he's still not over their breakup and his grades were in the dump), so he tells Takahashi that Kakimoto is his jealous boyfriend who suspects that he still has lingering feelings for Takahashi and locked them in here to properly settle things. He kind of goes on about Kakimoto his boyfriend until Takahashi asks him to be quiet because he's not feeling well. Kouichi notices that Takahashi is shivering, and offers his shirt. They have a mini back and forth about accepting the shirt. Takahashi insists that a) he doesn't need the shirt and b) he doesn't want Takahashi to be nice to him. Kouichi points out that he's being nice in a general way, and that it doesn't mean he has some special feeling for Takahashi or anything. Takahashi tells Kouichi that he knows that full well, but he starts crying. He comments Kouichi must be quite resilient being so young, even though he had said that he loved him before. Kouichi tells him he has no right to say anything if he likes someone else because he's the one who ended things. He tells Takahashi to say what he really wants to say and shakes him by the shoulders. When Takahashi lets out a "I love you," Kouichi tells him he knows he loves Kouichi, and asks what exactly he wants to do. Takahashi, after some hesitation, tells Kouichi that he doesn't want to let a kid (like Kakimoto) have Kouichi. And then they have sex, in which Kouichi manages to get Takahashi to say all kinds of rather embarrassing things that make him feel very happy. They kind of forget that Kakimoto is coming back to unlock the door, and he catches them naked and in each other's arms.
Kouichi asks to see Takahashi's new place, Takahashi finds out Kouichi has to take remedial classes and becomes determined to help him study, and Kouichi is determined to not study on at least the first night he visits Takahashi's new room.
And that's the end of the main story. I enjoyed it because both Takahashi and Kouichi are pretty normal guys who kind of meander towards being a couple. I love how Kouichi slowly sort of matures as he has all of those life experiences. I particularly liked the scenes with Endo, at the shock and dismay at being at the receiving end of treating people like some kind of freak show. I liked Kakimoto's very mature, thoughtful, and proper stance which Kouichi kind of knows is right but doesn't actually carry out. I love seeing the change in Kouichi from an observer to a very involved participant, of the range of emotions he feels as he goes through his first real love. I love that he's still very immature at the end of it, though he is much less immature than in the beginning.
I had to laugh at Kouichi when the shit hits the fan because he's all of the attitude that yes, I lied to you and all that, but we love each other and that's all that matters, right? If he could just take a step back and see things from Takahashi's point of view, he would've realized that Takahashi wasn't being completely unreasonable and cowardly. Kouichi's behavior hasn't exactly been consistent and positive, and combined with the lying and the ten years junior and a minor and a student at his school thing? Takahashi's reaction, especially given his timid and serious personality, is very understandable. It's not like he's a mind reader and can know just how serious Kouichi is...and that's kind of how it goes in real life, right? What you intend and what others perceive can be very different.
The second story is set 10 years later and is from Takahashi's POV. I am...really tired out from writing out the far too detailed summary of the first story so I won't get into any details here. I just want to say it was nice seeing things from Takahashi's POV and seeing Kouichi 10 years more mature. Very gratifying. XD
Sadly enough, the art totally turned me off (I avoided looking at the illustrations as much as possible...they aren't ugly or bad, just totally not my thing) so I'm not going to bother sharing any pics.
It all started out as a joke, with his classmates putting together a letter in response to a classified in a gay magazine they had bought as a joke. Another classmate, Endo Minori, whom Kouichi secretly liked, suggested they actually mail the letter and put Kouichi's name and address on it. He didn't think a) she'd send it and b) the guy would respond. When he actually got a response setting up a meeting he was at first going to ignore it, but once again at Endo's insistence he agrees to covertly check out the gay guy. He wants to actually get closer to Endo. They observe the guy they think is the one, and when he departs they leave as well. But just as they leave Kouichi realizes that they had been mistaken and that the guy who wrote the letter was the man Endo had earlier pointed out as a teacher at their school, Takahashi Makoto. Kouichi spends the rest of the day shopping with Endo, but decides to go back alone. He finds Takahashi still sitting their, four hours later. He wavers on whether to just leave or not, but finally approaches Takahashi. Takahashi gives a fake name and occupation. Kouichii's real name had been in the letter, but it had stated he was in college (obviously, since a high school student is still a minor...). They have a conversation full of lies (talking about their fake job and school major and present state). When Takahashi asks to see him again, Kouichi is hesitant. He doesn't really intend on going out with a guy, but he feels kind of bad and ends up asking for Takahashi's phone number.
At school his friend Kakimoto sees the slip of paper with Takahashi's phone number. He had seen Kouichi and Endo together the other day. He had initially thought they were on a date as he knew Kouichi liked her. But he grows suspicious and makes Kouichi confess. He is disgusted by Kouichi's actions, of first going to check out a gay guy to get closer to the girl he likes, then ending up meeting the guy out of guilt and pity. Kakimoto mercilessly tells him to do the right thing and cleanly break it off with Takahashi. So Kouichi calls Takahashi, but is put off balance by Takahashi's considerate and gentle (though timid) manner. Takahashi confesses that he didn't think Kouichi would call again and was very happy that he did. When Takahashi invites him to join him at the cafe they had first met, Kouichi hastily makes up some excuse and hangs up without saying anything about not meeting anymore. Kouichi curses Kakimoto for urging him to call.
Kouichi later tries to contact Takahashi to decline and break things off but wasn't able to contact him, so ends up meeting him at the cafe. He finds himself in a dilemma, because it'd be too harsh for him honestly says that it had been all a joke and that he didn't want to see Takahashi anymore. He wants to get Kakimoto's advice, but that would mean confessing that he hadn't spoken to Takahashi properly yet. But when Takahashi asks if he'd like to go to a museum that day, he manages to get the nerve to confess to Takahashi that he had lied in the letter about being a college student and his hobbies and such (but not about being really young or it all having been a joke). Takahashi tells him he's fine with it, because Kouichi's confession shows that he's actually an honest person. Faced with Takahashi's gentle acceptance, Kouichi again can't speak straight and ends up figuring that he can spend half a day with the guy as an apology for lying (and continuing to lie) and agrees to go with Takahashi to the museum. He finds the exhibits interesting in spite of his low expectations and ends up at a cafe again. They get into a discussion about movies they've seen, and Kouichi finds Takahashi's viewpoint, very different from his own, interesting. Kouichi ends up telling Kakimoto about his failure and gets scolded for once again prolonging things when he's not even remotely serious. He tells Kakimoto that this time he'll break things off, even though he was interested in the different world he could experience with Takahashi.
He calls Takahashi every other day with the intention of breaking things off, but ends up just talking with him and having to hang up in a hurry when his mother comes home. Though they talked about trivial, ordinary things, they'd end up talking for long periods of time. They also meet, and Kouichi finds the kinds of places Takahashi takes him very different from the places he goes to with his friends, and refreshing. On their next date at the beach, the talk turns to Takahashi's past. He tells Kouichi that he had moved out of his home to attend a distant high school to get away from his best friend, with whom he had been in love with. Kouichi finds Takahashi at that moment to be rather alluring, and almost kisses Takahashi. Takahashi realizes Kouichi's intent and closes his eyes, but Kouichi comes to himself and doesn't follow through. Takahashi looked hurt, and Kouichi thinks that maybe he should have kissed him once. He becomes frightened and his head spins that he could think things of this grown man. But he does end up touching Takahashi's hand lightly (even though he knew that it'd raise Takahashi's expectations). Takahashi lightly gripped Kouichi's hand, though he never looked at him, gazing out into the sea.
The next day he inadvertently lets out that he hasn't broken things off to Kakimoto (more like Kakimoto tricked him into it...). He makes excuses like that the timing was never right, etc. but Kakimoto won't have none of it. He lays it out, saying that Takahashi isn't interested in being Kouichi's "friend." Kouichi protests that even if Takahashi wants more it's all up to him. They had only held hands, after all. Kakimoto points out that normally a guy doesn't want to hold hands with another guy. He tells Kouichi that he's treading in dangerous waters in which things can only escalate.
Kouichi ends up not showing up for their fourth date. He wanted to call to cancel but didn't because he thought he wouldn't be able to actually do it. He was consumed with guilt and anxiety the entire day of the date, but as the days passed his guilt lessened. He thought he'd be okay at this rate. But two weeks later he passed Takahashi in a hallway at school. Takahashi hadn't noticed him, but Kouichi was struck by how ordinary he was and how they passed each other by like strangers. He wondered how he ever felt a thrill towards Takahashi at the beach.
Kouichi calls Takahashi and apologizes for standing him up. Takahashi is upset and thinks that Kouichi doesn't actually want to see him. He says he thinks it might be better if they shouldn't see each other anymore. Kouichi posits that Takahashi had been waiting for hours that day, and Takahashi tells him it's unpleasant to be tested in such a way. Kouichi is surprised that the timid and reserved Takahashi would show his anger in any way (though Takahashi's "showing of anger" isn't much by normal standards...^^;), and imagines how Takahashi must have been upset and confused and mortified...and suddenly wants to see Takahashi. When he says he wants to see Takahashi, Takahashi replies that he doesn't. So Kouichi tells him he's going to go to the cafe they always meet at right then and will wait for him and hangs up. He knew that Takahashi wouldn't be able to not show up.
And of course Takahashi shows up. Kouichi apologizes for suddenly saying wanting to meet. Takahashi tells him he thought he was going to be stood up again. He asks if Kouichi was going to wait for him the whole time if he hadn't shown up. Kouichi replies unthinkingly that he didn't think that Takahashi wouldn't come. Takahashi glares at him and comments that Kouichi was quite confident. Takahashi comes out and tells Kouichi that he can't stand being at Kouichi's whim. He asks that Kouichi tell him clearly if he doesn't want to see him. Kouichi recognizes that Takahashi likes him. Instead of addressing Takahashi's words, he asks if Takahashi had waited for him to call the entire time. Takahashi wants him to listen to him, but Kouchi asks if Takahashi likes him. Takahashi once again glares at him and asks why he's asking. Kouchi ponders Takahashi's question. Why did he even call Takahashi out? He could see him at school. But he wanted to talk to him, even though they talked about trivial matters since they were both lying about themselves. He sees Takahashi biting his nail, his white, slender fingers...and, ignoring Takahashi's question, asks if he can hold his hand. Takahashi notices Kouichi's attention and stops biting his nail. When Kouchi reaches out to him he hides his hands behind his back. Kouchi wraps his arms around Takahashi to touch his hands. Their bodies close together at this point, Kouchi brings his face closer to Takahashi and attempts to kiss him. Thwarted at first by Takahashi's glasses, he angles Takahashi's face up and kisses him.
Kouichi's mind is quite agitated. He wants to kiss and hold Takahashi. He doesn't know what to do with himself. Takahashi presses his hand to his lip and flushes bright red. Kouichi, seeing him embarrassed, starts feeling embarrassed as well and turns red. He asks Takahashi to meet him again. Takahashi tells him he doesn't want to, though his voice was terribly small. When Kouichi tells him he won't make him wait, Takahashi grips Kouichi's hand tightly instead of responding with words.
After that Kouichi itched to see Takahashi and arranged to meet him not only on Sundays but on weeknights as well (when his mother was working at night). On those nights they just met for coffee, talked, and kissed in secret. He found himself wanting more. Though he knew of French kissing, he had never done it nor could practice. So one night he just whispered to Takahashi to open his mouth. He found himself even more excited and wanting even more afterwards. Kouichi hadn't known that being in love meant wanting more and more all the time.
One day at school as he was about to leave to meet Takahashi, Endo confronts Kouichi. She had seen Kouichi kissing Takahashi. She asks what made Kouichi change his mind about going out with a guy. She asks if Kouichi had always liked guys. She prods him, claiming that since he had lied to her she had the right to know. He tells her he doesn't want to tell her. He didn't want her to look at him with curiosity. He wondered if she would find it amusing or laugh at him if he did tell her. She then says that if he won't tell her then she'll just ask Takahashi. He grabs her arm to stop her. He couldn't let her do that because Takahashi would be shocked to find out Kouichi was a high school student and had been lying to him. He tells her not to say anything to him. She realizes he's serious about Takahashi, and asks if it hadn't been gross to kiss a guy. He felt like he'd been smacked upside the head. He had thought kissing another man was gross, but because he had fallen for Takahashi he had been able to get over it. But he realized that from Endo's viewpoint it was gross, and that she wouldn't be able to understand his feelings. He finally realized the truth of Kakimoto's words to not toy with people's feelings. Endo then says maybe she'll just tell everyone in class if he won't tell her. While she may have been joking, Kouichi couldn't afford to treat her words like a joke. He basically threatens her, pushing her against the wall. She acts like she was joking, but he knows she was scared. She bursts into tears, but Kouichi didn't feel guilty at all, just angry.
That night he isn't himself with Takahashi. He's preoccupied and doesn't pay attention to Takahashi. They watch a movie that night, but Kouichi is sunk in his own thoughts. He hates that he got violent with a girl and made her cry, instead of just asking her not to say anything and reasoning with her. But at the same time he thinks that she was pretty damn awful herself with her attitude and her insensitivity and her mockery...and realizes he had been just like her in the beginning. He sees how falling in love has changed him. He's a bit afraid of it, but doesn't want to not be in love at all.
Afterwards, Kouichi asks to see Takahashi's room. He overcomes Takahashi's objections (it's late, the room's messy) by threatening to not see him again. He knows that Takahashi really likes him and won't be able to say no. Of course Kouichi puts the moves on Takahashi at Takahashi's apartment. But Takahashi puts the break on things because he has to come clean. He had initially lied to protect himself, but finds that no matter what he'll be hurt since he's so in love with Kouichi (he doesn't come out and say it but basically we get the idea). Kouichi finds Takahashi and his confession adorable and dear, and so back to the sex. But the sex is...sweetly awkward. Things don't go right at all (Will I fit in there? Seriously?). Kouichi doesn't know what he's doing, and confesses that he doesn't. So they try again, this time with less tension, and things more or less work out (sort of...^^;).
After that Kouichi and Takahashi meet every night Kouichi's mom is working and all weekend long. As they have more sex they get used to it and to each other. They also talked a lot, especially Takahashi, who had been freed of having to lie about himself. Kouichi thought about coming clean as well, but didn't know how or when. He knew that Takahashi was already a bit anxious about their supposed five year age difference and didn't think he'd handle finding out that Kouichi was in fact ten years his junior and a student at his school...He wanted to wait at least until he wasn't a high school student anymore.
Turns out that Kouichi had become fairly popular with the girls at school. He had never gotten a single confession before, but now it was constant. He didn't understand the sudden change as he hadn't done anything. Kakimoto comments that Kouichi's settled down. Kouichi had been wishing to be more mature and settled down, and apparently it showed. Of course he wanted to be that way for his timid boyfriend and not to become popular with the girls. He even has another encounter with Endo. She approaches him for a talk. She notes that everyone is saying that Kouichi's become very cool lately, but that she doesn't think so at all. Kouichi admits that he doesn't think he's cool at all. Endo asks if he's still going out with Takahashi. When he says yes, she asks what about him does he like. When he answers, "Everything?" she calls him an idiot. Kouichi then thanks her for not saying anything to anyone, because Takahashi wouldn't have been able to stand the rumors. She slaps him and runs off. Only when she's gone does he realize why she had called him out...
When he goes back to his classroom, he finds himself called out by...Takahashi. Of course Takahashi has finally seen him at school, and is completely devastated. He thinks himself a fool for having swallowed Kouichi's story whole and doesn't want to hear any of Kouichi's excuses. When Kakimoto asks what's between a teacher Kouichi has never been taught by and Kouichi, it comes out that Takahashi is the guy Kouichi has been going out with. Kouichi tells him that he knows full well that Takahashi is a guy, older, and a teacher and is still going out with him, so it should be a problem. When Kouichi goes over to Takahashi's apartment afterschool, Takahashi rejects him (and his school uniform, which he is still wearing). He asks if he enjoyed playing around with a older teacher from his school. Kouichi protests that he wasn't playing around with him. Takahashi cries and continues to reject him, so Kouichi decides to show him physically rather than verbally since Takahashi wouldn't listen to him. Afterwards, he has to leave because his mom was coming home that night but without any kind of resolution.
Kouichi did not see Takahashi at school the next day. He goes to the apartment and ends up camping out in front of the door for as long as possible (getting in trouble with his mom as well). After several days he finds that Takahashi has moved. He finds out the next day that Takahashi has been absent due to illness. His odd and rather worrisome behavior causes Kakimoto to caution Kouichi to not cause too much anxiety. He spends his weekend in front of the empty apartment and looks for him at school on Monday. Afterschool Kakimoto mentions seeing Takahashi, and Kouichi tries running to find him. Kakimoto stops him, saying he can look for him the next day. Kouichi is anxious and wants to see him immediately, but Kakimoto tells him he should calm down first. Kouichi is overwhelmed by his feelings and starts cryings. Kakimoto tells him that if Takahashi ends up disappearing between today and tomorrow, he'll help look for him. He apologizes for calling Kouichi strange for the whole dating a guy thing.
The next day Kouichi finally manages to talk to Takahashi. Takahashi wants to break up. He is mortified and full of regret that he had been so gullible and foolish. Kouichi keeps bringing up the fact that Takahashi loves him. Takahashi admits it, but doesn't want to have anything to do with Kouichi. Kouichi feels betrayed that all Takahashi wants to do is run away from him, at Takahashi's timidness. He agrees to break up. He tells Takahashi that Takahashi will always be alone and will regret having pushed Kouichi away. No one will love a cowardly and unfair guy like Takahashi. Takahashi responds back, saying he can't keep living indebted to a boyfriend 10 years his junior, at the mercy of Kouichi's whims, just waiting. Their conversation is interrupted and they part ways.
Kouichi has dreams about their last conversation, and wakes up crying. He hates feeling all this sorrow and pain and regrets falling in love. He regrets going to see the guy in the letter, and all the actions he took afterwards. He sees him several weeks later in the hallway. Takahashi drops all the stuff he was carrying, and Kouichi helps pick them up. He ignores Takahashi's admonishment to go to class as he'll be late. When Takahashi asks him to not be so nice to him, like picking things up for him. Kouichi felt completely rejected because Takahashi wouldn't even accept common courtesy from him. He throws everything back down again.
Kouichi's end of term test results are dismal, which he knows is from a lack of caring. On the last day of the term he is called to the music room by Kakimoto. It turns out that Kakimoto figures Kouichi needs to really finish things off with Takahashi, so he locks Kouichi and Takahashi in a room (Takahashi had been called and locked in earlier).
Takahashi has no clue what's going on, and demands (in his very polite way) to know what's going on. Kouichi can't tell him the truth (that he's still not over their breakup and his grades were in the dump), so he tells Takahashi that Kakimoto is his jealous boyfriend who suspects that he still has lingering feelings for Takahashi and locked them in here to properly settle things. He kind of goes on about Kakimoto his boyfriend until Takahashi asks him to be quiet because he's not feeling well. Kouichi notices that Takahashi is shivering, and offers his shirt. They have a mini back and forth about accepting the shirt. Takahashi insists that a) he doesn't need the shirt and b) he doesn't want Takahashi to be nice to him. Kouichi points out that he's being nice in a general way, and that it doesn't mean he has some special feeling for Takahashi or anything. Takahashi tells Kouichi that he knows that full well, but he starts crying. He comments Kouichi must be quite resilient being so young, even though he had said that he loved him before. Kouichi tells him he has no right to say anything if he likes someone else because he's the one who ended things. He tells Takahashi to say what he really wants to say and shakes him by the shoulders. When Takahashi lets out a "I love you," Kouichi tells him he knows he loves Kouichi, and asks what exactly he wants to do. Takahashi, after some hesitation, tells Kouichi that he doesn't want to let a kid (like Kakimoto) have Kouichi. And then they have sex, in which Kouichi manages to get Takahashi to say all kinds of rather embarrassing things that make him feel very happy. They kind of forget that Kakimoto is coming back to unlock the door, and he catches them naked and in each other's arms.
Kouichi asks to see Takahashi's new place, Takahashi finds out Kouichi has to take remedial classes and becomes determined to help him study, and Kouichi is determined to not study on at least the first night he visits Takahashi's new room.
And that's the end of the main story. I enjoyed it because both Takahashi and Kouichi are pretty normal guys who kind of meander towards being a couple. I love how Kouichi slowly sort of matures as he has all of those life experiences. I particularly liked the scenes with Endo, at the shock and dismay at being at the receiving end of treating people like some kind of freak show. I liked Kakimoto's very mature, thoughtful, and proper stance which Kouichi kind of knows is right but doesn't actually carry out. I love seeing the change in Kouichi from an observer to a very involved participant, of the range of emotions he feels as he goes through his first real love. I love that he's still very immature at the end of it, though he is much less immature than in the beginning.
I had to laugh at Kouichi when the shit hits the fan because he's all of the attitude that yes, I lied to you and all that, but we love each other and that's all that matters, right? If he could just take a step back and see things from Takahashi's point of view, he would've realized that Takahashi wasn't being completely unreasonable and cowardly. Kouichi's behavior hasn't exactly been consistent and positive, and combined with the lying and the ten years junior and a minor and a student at his school thing? Takahashi's reaction, especially given his timid and serious personality, is very understandable. It's not like he's a mind reader and can know just how serious Kouichi is...and that's kind of how it goes in real life, right? What you intend and what others perceive can be very different.
The second story is set 10 years later and is from Takahashi's POV. I am...really tired out from writing out the far too detailed summary of the first story so I won't get into any details here. I just want to say it was nice seeing things from Takahashi's POV and seeing Kouichi 10 years more mature. Very gratifying. XD
Sadly enough, the art totally turned me off (I avoided looking at the illustrations as much as possible...they aren't ugly or bad, just totally not my thing) so I'm not going to bother sharing any pics.