insaneneko

The "Ryu and Dr." series (that's what I call it, I don't know if the publisher has an official name--I really dislike that so many series aren't labeled and numbered properly, it's a bitch to sort out sometimes) by Kifu Kaname is, in one word, crack. Not crazy zany crack, but silly retarded crack. The titles of the volumes are as follows:

1. Dr wa ryu ni noru
2. Dr wa ryu to tatsu
3. Ryu no koi, Dr. no ai
4. Ryu no junjou, Dr. no jounetsu
5. Ryu no renjou, Dr. no bojou
6. Ryu no shakunetsu, Dr. no jouai

Books 1 and 2 were published by a different company and illustrated by a different (not as good, IMHO) artist, and are no longer in print. Frankly, I don't think you need to read Books 1 and 2. I started reading this series at Book 3 (drawn to the lovely illustrations by Nara Chiharu) and didn't have much problem getting into it. You get the handy-dandy summary paragraphs in the very beginning to give you background anyhow. So far I've read books 3, 4, 2, and 5 in that order. Someday I'd like to read book 1 just to find out exactly how their first time went...

Er, back to the important stuff. The "ryu" (dragon) is Aikawa Seiwa, a 19-year-old yakuza boss (kumichou). The "Dr." is Hikawa Ryouichi, a 29-year-old internist at a hospital. Hikawa was left at the gate of an orphanage, where he was raised until he was adopted at 12. Grateful, he worked hard to do well in school and be a good successor to his step-father, who ran a hospital. Unfortunately, his adoptive parents had their own child when he was 15. While provided for materially, he became the child they no longer needed and was emotionally neglected. Luckily for him, he had something to fill the void in his heart--Seiwa. Seiwa lived in the neighborhood with his mother, who totally and utterly neglected him (while her boyfriends abused him). I don't really understand why a random 12-year-old would be changing some strange toddler's diapers, but they were that close. Then Seiwa was taken away by some dude when he was nine or so, and Hikawa didn't see him until one day Seiwa strolled into the hospital he worked at surrounded by his underlings. Hikawa is shocked that Seiwa had become a yakuza and rushes headlong into the world to try to drag him out. When he's threatened with death by the dude who had taken Seiwa in the first place, Kitsutaka, now the underboss of the clan, he declares that he doesn't mind dying if Seiwa can be freed from the clan. Seiwa doesn't want to leave the clan. He's the bastard son of the clan head. Instead, when Seiwa is given the task of dealing with Hikawa (who knows too much) he declares that Hikawa is his "wife," fucks him, and has him move in with him. I think that's where book 1 ends, and book 2 has some moving and shaking occuring in the clan with Seiwa installed as clan head by the end. In Book 3 they've settled down, and the story enters the ludicrous. Book 2 felt half-serious and half-silly, but book 3's highlights are the silly (frankly, the serious portions bored me). Hikawa is an airhead with the strangest (and rather creepy) mixture of maternal and romantic feelings towards Seiwa, and Seiwa is a bad-ass yazuka with killer looks and an awesome rising dragon tattoo who is totally (willingly!) whipped by his "wife" (at least in personal matters-he's adamant about keeping yazuka matters away from his woman like a good yakuza). Book 3, besides being the first with the Nara Chiharu illustrations (I don't care for how she draws Hikawa--he's supposed to look like a doll without his glasses, he's so pretty...but he looks too ordinary in the pics. Seiwa looks good, though.), has what is possibly the single funniest scene I've read in BL so far.

The novel begins with Hikawa out drinking with some other doctors from the hospital. When one of the doctors, a well-regarded neurologist, starts to strip down (to only his tie and socks) as he's prone to do when drunk, the rest decide to run away before they're forced to join in the dancing (and do it over and over until it's "perfect").

When Hikawa goes outside, he is met by Miyagi Shou, his bodyguard (who also watches Hikawa to make sure he doesn't cheat on Seiwa). Shou drives Hikawa back to the apartment at the top of a building owned by the clan. Seiwa comes home late that night, after Hikawa had gone to bed. Hikawa wakes up and demands a kiss in greeting as Seiwa's bride. Hikawa senses that Seiwa is a bit embarrassed (Seiwa is taciturn and expressionless, but Hikawa always just knows what he's feeling), so he peers into Seiwa's face more closely. Seiwa then kisses Hikawa more deeply. Hikawa knows that Seiwa wants to have sex with Hikawa, but Seiwa doesn't want to burden Hikawa so doesn't do anything further. But Hikawa tells Seiwa to go ahead (he always is the one to give permission and initiate sex). He knows how deprived Seiwa was as a child (and himself knows what it is like to be deprived) and wants to give Seiwa anything he wants. Just as they are going to get it on, Seiwa gets a phone call and has to leave.

Seiwa is sleeping next to Hikawa when Hikawa wakes up in the morning. Hikawa sees Seiwa's morning wood and stares at it intently, sternly telling it to come back to him and not follow any pretty women that tempt it. He goes on to say that he'll be its wife and lover and source of income and pokes it with his finger. If Seiwa had been sleeping he doesn't stay sleeping. He wakes up and calls Hikawa's name (actually, he says "Sensei," which is what he always calls Hikawa. Hikawa, for his part, calls Seiwa "Seiwa-kun"). Hikawa comments on Seiwa's state and mutters one of his favorite phrases, "You used to be so small and cute..." Hikawa smiles, remembering how cute Seiwa had been. Seiwa sighs, prompting Hikawa to assure him that he's still cute. He goes on to say Seiwa is so cute he wants dress Seiwa, put Seiwa on his lap and feed him, give him a bath and wash his hair...he wistfully wishes Seiwa had stayed small. Seiwa finally opens his mouth, asking Hikawa not to start talking about Seiwa's diapers. Seiwa's cock had returned to normal with Hikawa's babbling. Hikawa again talks to it, telling it again not to get excited for anyone else. Seiwa assures Hikawa that he won't sleep with anyone else, and they get out of bed to have breakfast. Hikawa doesn't forget to urge Seiwa to eat his vegetables and avoid using too much shoyu during breakfast. Hikawa helps Seiwa with his necktie, then wraps his arms around him and buries his face into his chest. He begs Seiwa to keep safe. They decide to go on a date on Saturday. Seiwa is willing to take Hikawa anywhere, but Hikawa can't think of a particular place to go. After racking his brains, he brings up the zoo, which Seiwa had wanted to go to...as a child. Hikawa admits that he doesn't care where they go, as long as he's with Seiwa. Seiwa smiles shyly and replies that he feels the same way.

Shou picks Hikawa up, looking like a hoodlum as usual with a garish shirt and gold chain necklace. Hikawa admonishes him for his appearance. Shou admits that he's always scolded by Riki, Seiwa's right-hand man and the brains of the clan, to grow up. Hikawa tells him he should grow up and become a salaryman (Hikawa still tries to get Seiwa to quit being a yakuza, and urges other members to quit as well). Shou replies that Riki is telling him to become a dignified yakuza rather than a hoodlum. This only makes Hikawa angrier, at which Shou can only laugh (he tends to either laugh or apologize profusely when Hikawa gets too angry to appease). As Shou is driving Hikawa home after work, Hikawa starts grilling Shou about various troubles in the clan. Shou tries not to answer much, telling Hikawa he should only think about Seiwa. He finally tells Hikawa to ask Seiwa. Hikawa replies that Seiwa never tells him those kinds of things. He then complains that Seiwa used to tell him everything, such as when he's going to piss or if he pooped. Shou desperately attempts to suppress his laughter, but Hikawa doesn't notice (Hikawa never notices). Hikawa then starts up about being Seiwa's wife. There aren't supposed to be secrets between married couples. Shou replies that there are always things married couples can't say to each other, such as infidelity. That last bit sets off Hikawa's burning jealousy, which Shou tries hard to assuage with the assurance that while the typical man may stray, Seiwa would never ever do so.

When they get out of the car, Hikawa is accosted by one of the women of Kato, a yakuza who had died (whose death is suspected of being an assassination and is thus causing problems in the clan). She accuses him of killing Kato by using his medical knowledge to poison him. Shou manages to get the woman away from Hikawa, takes him up to the front door of the apartment and tries to leave. Hikawa forces him to come inside and answer questions (after Shou tries to get away by claiming his stomach is upset and has to use the bathroom, Hikawa tells him to use their bathroom, he'll even examine him, but Shou tells Hikawa to "play doctor" with Seiwa). Hikawa demands to know how Kato had died. Shou throws a random disease out, which Hikawa shoots down with his medical knowledge. Shou explains that Kato had died suddenly. It seems that Kato had not lead a very healthy life, so it wasn't all that strange that he should suddenly fall down dead. But his underlings think that Seiwa had killed him to get him out of the way (there was infighting about the future of the clan--Seiwa wants to take the clan into a more legal path, making money with above the board companies, while there are others who want to stick to the more traditional ways of making money). Shou manages to sidetrack Hikawa by turning him onto the idea of caring for Seiwa's health to prevent Seiwa suddenly kicking the bucket like Kato.

When Seiwa comes home that night, Hikawa doesn't greet him as usual. Hikawa makes Seiwa (and Riki) sit in front of him in the entrance hall, then starts grilling him about what he's eaten that day. At first Seiwa responds that he ate grilled fish, but Hikawa knows when he lies. Riki takes over in answering Hikawa, telling Hikawa that Seiwa had eaten while entertaining business-related people and had to eat what the other party ordered...which was steak. Hikawa knows that Seiwa loves steak as well, and complains that Seiwa is eating unhealthily and drinking even though he's underage. He grouses about Seiwa hanging around young and pretty hostesses, then comes up with the idea of taking Seiwa's blood pressure twice daily. When he tries to include Riki, Riki runs away (after excusing himself very politely). In the end, Hikawa makes Seiwa gargle and wash his hands.

There's a bit of a flare up when Hikawa discovers a red lipstick kissmark on Seiwa's shirt near his stomach. Hikawa then complains about Seiwa's tattoo. He complains about not being able to go to the pool together (Seiwa: We can buy a house with a pool) or go to an onsen (Seiwa: We can stay at a room with a private onsen attached), but in the end he reveals that he's worried about the tattoo shortening Seiwa's life by lessening the skin area that can breathe. Seiwa promises to stay alive, stay faithful, and protect Hikawa for the rest of their lives, and kisses him passionately to shut him up. Hikawa invites Seiwa into bed, taking charge that night after Seiwa touches him far too lasciviously (according to Hikawa...as to how one does not touch someone too lasciviously while having sex is a mystery).

The next night Hikawa meets up with an old friend from high school, Katagiri. Katagiri works at a large food manufacturer, is married with a young child and a new 25-year mortgage...in other words, a guy leading a very normal life. They drink, catch up, Katagiri offers to introduce some nice girls he knows--typical night with an old friend. Then Katagiri takes him to a shady establishment for some "fun." It's a place where the girls service their customers in booths similar to restaurants. Hikawa is taken to one such booth, where the girl sits on the table and opens her legs to show her panty-less crotch. She tells him he can look and touch if he wants to. The thing is, Hikawa is a) gay and b) a doctor and sees that kind of thing at work. He doesn't want to touch her, and has never touched a woman there without gloves. He...ends up trying to "examine" her, by asking her medical questions. She is at first confused, then gets a bit mad and tries to force things by giving him a blow job. Luckily he is saved by a host named Kyousuke. He's a friend of Shou from the old days as a pre-yakuza delinquent. He'd seen Hikawa enter the establishment, knew that Hikawa is Seiwa's wife, and came in to get him out before something happened that would result in Seiwa losing face. The establishment was in Seiwa's clan's territory, and the girl who was servicing Hikawa was a clan member's woman. It dawns on Hikawa that this whole business might be a serious problem, but Kyousuke figures that it should be okay since nothing really happened. Kyousuke takes Hikawa back to his apartment so that Shou can pick him up. Shou had been kicked out of the apartment of his woman and had been staying with Kyousuke. Shou rushes over and is teased a bit by Kyousuke (Shou: Did anything happen? Kyousuke: He got his ass touched by some bearded old dude Shou: What! We'll have to sink that dude into Tokyo Bay! Who was he? Kyosuke: Oh, a leader of some other clan... Shou: This is WAR! Kyousuke: Ha ha, I was just kidding Shou: Geez, don't make jokes like that...). After confirming that Hikawa's "most important part" hadn't been touched, Shou escorts Hikawa back to the apartment.

When Seiwa comes home, Hikawa has him gargle and wash his hands. He then apologizes for the trouble earlier that night. Seiwa isn't troubled, but is a bit jealous. Hikawa is delighted at Seiwa's jealousy (it's vexing that he's the one that's jealous all the time), telling Seiwa to be adorably jealous. After apologizing again, Hikawa asks Seiwa what he ate that day. Hikawa figures out that Seiwa ate steak again, goes on and on about what horrible things can happen with a bad diet, then ends with a comment about Seiwa smelling of perfume. As Hikawa contemplates making bento for Seiwa (and Riki), Seiwa gets a phone call and leaves.

Hikawa is terribly worried to find that Seiwa hadn't come home when he wakes up in the morning. He thinks the worst when Shou shows up with pretty bad bruises on his face. But it turns out that Shou had been smacked around by Kyousuke. Shou had eaten all the food Kyousuke had left on the table. Shou claims that Kyousuke must have PMS though he's a guy, because there's no other way to explain why he gets so tense for no reason. Hikawa has a long day with some pretty trying yet retarded conversations with various patients. As Shou drives him home, Hikawa questions Shou about Seiwa's meals that day. Shou tries really hard to avoid answering the truth, in the end begging Hikawa to stop asking him anything. He tries to stop Hikawa's questions by praising him, "You look so lovely today! Kumicho (Seiwa) seems so happy since you've come. Please take care of him. Please make him happy." He starts driving really fast, laughing hard when Hikawa points it out.

Things are strangely quiet at the building. They are attacked by two guys, whom Shou takes care of. Even when Shou calls out for someone, no one answers. Shou decides to take Hikawa to the clan headquarters, but they are attacked. Shou is stabbed, collapsing on top of Hikawa. As the attackers continue to stab Shou, laughing, Seiwa and Riki shows up with men and guns. As the men go after the attackers, they take Shou upstairs and call a doctor. The doctor appears, bitching about being called away from a very expensive prostitute. When he sees Hikawa, he comments that he's never seen a gay guy before. He'd been dumbfounded when he heard Seiwa had taken a male lover. He wonders if he'll meet a lesbian someday...Hikawa figures the doctor must have been a surgeon--he totally has the personality of one. Hikawa helps out with tending the wounded, concentrating desperately to do what he can. In the meantime, the surgeon cracks jokes about eating sashimi and tofu and corn afterwards (since they sort of look like innards) and insults the patients as he works. When Hikawa tells him not to talk to him, he comments that Hikawa's quite severe. He figures Seiwa must be whipped, but notes that Kitsutaka and Seiwa's father were both whipped. He concludes the clan is just full of overbearing wives, probably because the men chose their wives based on their looks. Hikawa even threatens to sew the surgeon's lips shut, but quickly realizes that paying any attention to the surgeon is pointless and decides to ignore him. He concentrates on working with Seiwa's assistance. Riki, in the meantime, gives orders via cell phone to the clan members all over the clan territory in what has turned into a big battle on many fronts. They are forced to evacuate when two wounded people brought in turn out to be assassins with guns and dynamite. There are various explosions, with bombs planted in dead bodies as well as a big explosion going off in Seiwa and Hikawa's apartment on the top floor. Seiwa holds Hikawa, telling him over and over that he'll protect him. A bunch of clan members surround Hikawa, Seiwa and Riki and they head towards clan headquarters. They are met by police, who quickly search them and find nothing (they knew the police were outside and didn't take any weapons with them). They figure that the enemy must have tipped the police before the attack so that any clan members walking around with weapons would get picked up. They are attacked on the way to headquarters, with the members taking hits to protect Hikawa and Seiwa.

At headquarters, Seiwa, Riki, Kitsutaka and Kitsutaka's right-hand man must plan the counterattack. Turns out that a former clan member, a devoted underling to Kato who had been kicked out for doing very very very illegal things to make money, had joined forces with the Chinese mafia to attack the clan. Hikawa is told to go to Kitsutaka's house for safety, but he refuses to leave Seiwa's side. Seiwa sends him off to the house while he's sleeping. When he wakes up, he's told by Kitsutaka's wife Noriko that she won't let him go back to the clan territory. She has to keep him safe, he'll have to go back over her dead body. Noriko and Kitsutaka had raised Seiwa after Kitsutaka had taken Seiwa away, and they consider Seiwa a son. In the face of her resolve, he gives up on going back to Seiwa and pray sfor his man's safety.

Hikawa and Noriko have many serious (i.e. boring) discussions that last for many many many pages. They catch the news that the former clan member had been arrested for crimes unrelated to the clan. They figure Riki must have had something to do with the arrest, it was just too coincidental. Noriko assures Hikawa that the clan will be able to suppress the Chinese mafia now that their collaborator is in jail. She judges that things will be over in two weeks. After a couple more days, Hikawa goes back to work. Kyousuke escorts him in Shou's stead. Shou is itching to go back to work, even though he is seriously injured. Kyousuke tells Hikawa that the surgeon had threatened to inject female hormones into Shou to quiet him down if Shou keeps his objections to bed rest up. They joke about Shou's breasts growing if he does get injected with hormones.

One day almost two weeks later, it is Seiwa who comes to pick him up after work. Hikawa throws himself into Seiwa's arms. In the car, Hikawa berates Seiwa for not even calling. Seiwa apologizes, saying he didn't call because he thought Hikawa would cry. Hikawa admits that he would have. He tears up. Seiwa looks and sounds a bit bewildered as he apologizes again. Hikawa decides that he no longer cares about whatever Seiwa does in his position, he just wants him alive. He finds out that Shou, who was supposed to be in complete bed rest, had gone to the Chinese mafia for some personal revenge and ended up getting worse. He's also told not to meet his friend Katagiri again. Turns out he had been given some money to take Hikawa to the establishment and give him a package which included a bomb by the former clan member. Hikawa is shocked that an old friend had done something so obviously fishy (though Katagiri hadn't known that there was a bomb in the package and hadn't know the implications of taking Hikawa to a sex shop) for a mere 100,000 yen, but doesn't let it hurt him too much (the idea is that Hikawa may be an airhead, but he's not some weak sissy--the author makes that point constantly).

Their old apartment is being renovated, so they live on a different floor in the same building. Seiwa had one of the younger clan members decorate the place. It was done up in a dreamy romantic image, with pink and white with frills and flowers and stuffed animals. There's even a vanity in the bedroom, along with the bed done up in pink frills. Hikawa asks Seiwa if the clan member knew his gender. Is he supposed to put on makeup? Seiwa tells him to do whatever he wants, to throw whatever away. Hikawa laughs at Seiwa's discomfort and embraces him. They kiss, and Hikawa gives Seiwa permission for more. Seiwa picks up Hikawa and puts him on the bed. As things progress, Hikawa asks about condoms. He looks for some, but doesn't find any. Seiwa thinks they don't need any for at least tonight (he'd rather not use one anyway), but when Hikawa insists he takes out his phone to call Riki to order him to buy some now. Hikawa tells Seiwa he'll buy some the next day, and decides to give him a blow job instead of anal sex...But bites Seiwa's cock really hard accidentally (like, draws blood hard). Hikawa wants to call the ambulance, but Seiwa tells him not to. It is at that time Seiwa's cell rings. It is Riki. Hikawa answers. Turns out Riki had heard the one ring from Seiwa's earlier aborted call and had called back. Hikawa tells Riki to call the ambulance because he had bitten Seiwa's "important place."

Riki: Did you bite it off?
Hikawa: No, I haven't...
Riki: It's yours, so I'll leave it to you. Excuse me.
*click*

Hikawa doesn't know what to do as the injury is outside of his field of specialty. He ponders some pretty ridiculous things out loud while Seiwa silently suffers great pain, then decides that it's probably not bad enough to call an ambulance. Hikawa feels terrible that Seiwa had managed to come out of the war with the Chinese mafia unscathed, only to be brought down by his wife. He assures Seiwa that he won't mind if Seiwa no longer can have sex. He realizes that it might be a good thing, because then Seiwa won't be unfaithful. At that, Seiwa looks at Hikawa and glares at him silently. Hikawa realizes that Seiwa would not be happy with such an outcome, and assures him that he'll probably be okay. He'll buy condoms so that Seiwa can fuck him a lot next time. He continues to say sorry and kisses him softly...

That last aborted sex scene puts me in stitches every time. Oh, the crack! The best parts of the story are the cracky parts. I glossed over the serious stuff as much as possible because they are just so not as interesting. :P

Basic summary of Hikawa and Seiwa's relationship: Hikawa talks and talks, is possessive and dense. Seiwa is stoic and silent, and endures and endures. Willingly! Because he's dead gone for Hikawa (Oh, how I love that term from L.M. Montgomery books).

Seiwa and Hikawa in their respective worlds.

A kiss of greeting.

Seiwa tenderly caressing Hikawa.

Hikawa walking with Kyousuke, amazed at the craziness of the red-light district.

The typical scene: Hikawa laughing or talking while Seiwa is silent and expressionless (though not so expressionless that Hikawa can't figure out what he's feeling).