Zutto kimi ga sukidatta written by Yakou Hana and illustrated by Fuduki Atsuyo

[insaneneko]

Zutto kimi ga sukidatta (I love you for a long time) by Yakou Hana and illustrated by Fuduki Atsuyo is definitely one of those books that serves as a reminder not to judge books by their covers (or titles, for that matter). I really like this book. Rereading it closely to summarize it made me love it even more.

This is one of those stories about one guy (Yagi) who loves his best friend (Yuuki). The twist with this one is that Yagi had actually fallen in love at first sight with Yuuki and had confessed back in high school. Though Yuuki wasn't interested in dating a guy, he was interested enough in Yagi as a person that he convinces Yagi to become friends with him. Over the years they become very close friends even as Yuuki pursues his dream of becoming an actor, dropping out of college and getting disowned by his parents. Things change when Yagi once again confesses to Yuuki...

Yeah, it sounds kind of lame. But like I said earlier, I love this book so much. The characters are darling. Yagi is such a serious and dedicated guy, but he's definitely not perfect or infallible. Yuuki is for the most part rather indifferent to most things (including other people's feelings), but he is passionate about acting. And, it turns out, Yagi. I liked that the main conflict of the story was a real issue, instead of some lame misunderstanding or bizarre plot-device accident or high tragedy. Er...I think if I keep writing I'll just babble some more. Seriously, I just love this story. The summary doesn't do it justice, especially when it comes to the side characters (who are most excellent). Wish the art was a bit nicer, but I'll settle for not very nice art since the story is so shiny. XD



Towards the end of his last year in high school, Harada Yuuki is dumped by another girlfriend when she gets fed up with his apparent lack of interest in her. His rather worthless friends (though they are more like guys he hangs out with than real friends) gather to tease him for losing another one, knowing that he can easily get another one. It's at that time that a student Yuuki barely knows, Yagi Hiromichi, asks to talk to him. Yagi is the head of the kendo club, tall, handsome, serious. Very different from Yuuki. While Yuuki has no idea why Yagi would want to talk with him, he follows him to a less populated area. Yagi tells Yuuki that he saw him in the play Yuuki's class had done for the school festival. It was a comedy written by a classmate, Maruyama, in which people like Darth Vader, Mary, and Oda Nobunaga run wild. Yuuki had played Maria. Yagi suggests Yuuki join a theatre club in college as he has talent. Yuuki realizes it's not a bad idea at all. He had really enjoyed his first experience acting. He asks Yagi if that was what he wanted to talk about, wondering if Yagi is a horribly nosy person who liked to butt into other people's business. Yagi denies it, and then confesses that he likes Yuuki. He asks Yuuki to go out with him. Yuuki at first thinks it's a joke, but Yagi is serious. He tells Yuuki that he couldn't forget about seeing Yuuki during the school festival. He had wondered if he was confused because Yuuki had been dressed as a woman, but his heart pounded seeing Yuuki dressed as a guy as well. He tells Yagi that it was love at at first sight.

Yuuki, realizing that Yagi isn't joking, is amazed. Is Yagi an idiot or incredibly gutsy? He asks Yagi if he's not afraid of Yuuki telling his friends and having it spread about school. After all, Yuuki is not exactly lacking in girls who want to date him. Yagi tells him that he can do whatever he wants to, he doesn't really care what people say about him since it's true that he likes Yuuki. He didn't want to graduate without saying something to Yuuki, even though he knows it's pretty hopeless. Yuuki, for his part, is drawn (in a non-romantic way) to Yagi's straightforwardness and courage. He recognizes that Yagi is very different from the bozos he hangs out with and wonders if Yagi would be a good influence on him. So he tells Yagi that while he can't date him he would like to become friends with him. Yagi initially refuses because he wants to date Yuuki, not be friends with him, but Yuuki convinces him by arguing that he might change his mind once he gets to know Yagi. He even tells Yagi that if Yagi's feelings stay the same for about five years or so, he'll like him back. He throws whatever comes to mind at Yagi in an effort to get Yagi to agree, which Yagi eventually does.

Five years later, Yuuki has quit college and joined a professional troupe thanks to Maruyama. He has been in many minor roles as he worked side jobs to support himself (as the pay he receives from the troupe is too little to live on), but he's finally gotten the lead role in a new play Maruyama had written. Yuuki will play Mako, a transvestite in the Meiji era. Mako had conquered many men with her beauty when she falls in love with a military officer. She pretends to be a woman and manages to get the officer to love her back, until the officer finds out she's actually a man and rejects her. In a fit of despair she decides to kill him since she has no other way of making him "hers", but realizing she can't she kills herself instead (in front of him, of course). Yuuki works hard at the role, which includes learning to tango in high heels (and making his dancing partners miserable with the pain of being stepped on constantly).

After another dance practice full of pain and suffering (for Yuuki's partners), Yuuki meets up with Yagi. Yagi had not only inspired Yuuki to pursue acting, he had supported Yuuki as he did the struggling actor bit. Yuuki really treasures his friendship with Yagi, and has been lonely because he's been unable to see him much due to all of his practices. But Yagi had asked to meet up with him that night. He is slightly apprehensive about seeing Yagi as he hadn't told Yagi about his lead role as a transvestite yet. He doesn't think Yagi is prejudiced, but it's still awkward.

When Yuuki arrives at Yagi's apartment, he finds an extravagant home-cooked meal complete with expensive wine prepared. He knows it's not either of their birthdays, so he asks what the occasion is. Yagi puts the matter aside till after dinner, and they proceed to eat. Yuuki wonders what Yagi might bring up--Marriage? Transfer at work? Illness? Yuuki thinks about how much it would suck if Yagi isn't around anymore. As they drink the rest of the wine after dinner, Yagi brings up how they had first met. Yuuki realizes that Yagi must have loved him all these years. He had totally forgotten about it. Yagi had realized that Yuuki must have forgotten, but he'd only grown more in love with Yuuki over time. Yuuki thinks about how Yagi must have spent these last five years with a completely clueless and unguarded Yuuki, but before he can say anything Yagi tells him to not come to his house anymore. Yagi knows that Yuuki won't love him back, and he can't just be friends with Yuuki anymore. He knows cutting ties with Yuuki will hurt Yuuki, but he's at his limit. He doesn't want to even see Yuuki's face. He wants to forget Yuuki. Yuuki starts to cry. He grabs Yagi and tells him he'll date him. He doesn't want to lose Yagi, so even though he doesn't want to date a guy he'll give it a try to keep Yagi. When Yagi asks if he'll be alright kissing and going further than that with a guy, Yuuki honestly replies that he doesn't know. He simply repeats that he doesn't want to part with Yagi. Yagi kisses him, then pushes him down onto the sofa. Yagi gives Yuuki a blowjob, delighted when Yuuki's dick becomes hard. Yuuki is a bit confused and spacy, but decides to reciprocate. But when he pulls Yagi's hard dick out, he's shocked and a bit scared at its size (he'd seen Yagi's dick before, but not when it was hard). Yagi, for his part, indicates that he wants to have anal sex. He wants to join with Yuuki. Yuuki is naturally rather freaked out by the whole idea, but doesn't want Yagi to leave him so he says he'll do it. But Yagi realizes that Yuuki must be afraid, so he tells him they can do it next time. Yuuki, relieved that Yagi isn't going to push the matter, offers to return the favor with a blow job. They sixty-nine. Yuuki finds that sucking on Yagi's dick isn't as unpleasant as he'd thought it'd be--in fact, it is quite arousing. They both come, and then cuddle for a while (though Yuuki doesn't so much cuddle as hold on to Yagi for dear life).

At home, Yuuki thinks about the implications of his changed relationship with Yagi. He doesn't know if he can love Yagi like he would a woman, even though it seems that the physical part might not be as big a problem as he'd imagined. Curious, he does a bit of internet research on gay sex and ends up rather disgusted by the graphic images. He wonders how he's going to deal with Yagi's desire to go all the way.

Yuuki wonders if he'll be able to understand and appreciate Yagi's feelings if he can get to know Mako's character better. He fervently believes that it'd be best if he could return Yagi's feelings. After practice the next day, Yuuki is visited at home by his girlfriend. He just wants to sleep, but she insists on making nabe for him with the vegetables he had received at practice that day. They get into a squabble when Yuuki tells her that he is going to give the vegetables to Yagi because Yagi is always doing stuff for him (well, more like the girlfriend gets upset while Yuuki is vexed by her vehemence). Then Yuuki suddenly asks if she's ever had anal sex. She interprets it as Yuuki wanting to do it with her, but he unthinkingly replies that he doesn't want to do it with her. The girlfriend concludes that he's been unfaithful. He apologizes, then remembers that he has to break up with her since he's supposed to be dating Yagi. The girlfriend becomes upset and hits him with a frying pan, giving him a concussion. He is taken to the hospital where he's met by Maruyama (Yuuki's ex-girlfriend is in the same troupe and had let Maruyama know) who sympathizes with him but doesn't offer to help with the hospital fees and also immediately asks if this will affect the play. Yuuki returns home to find Yagi inside. Yagi had stopped by after work, found the door unlocked, and stayed because he thought the situation was unsafe. Yuuki casually mentions being hit by a frying pan and going to the hospital, and is startled when Yagi pales and embraces him, concerned. He explains what had happened. Yagi is surprised that Yuuki had broken up with his girlfriend. He had actually felt really guilty about the whole situation. He felt like he'd taken advantage of Yuuki, like he'd unconsciously arranged things so that Yuuki would need Yagi and would be distressed by the prospect of never seeing Yagi again. He had never seen Yuuki cry before. Yuuki is again amazed at how straightforward and honest Yagi is. Yagi asks if he can kiss Yuuki. Yuuki nods, so Yagi kisses him. Yagi is so intense that Yuuki ends up falling over, unable to hold the two of them up. Yagi comes to himself and apologizes for being so forceful when Yuuki had just been to the hospital. He hadn't been able to hold himself back when he realized he could truly have Yuuki.

The troupe works harder as opening night approaches. Yuuki receives the ticket that he will give to Yagi (as he always has done for every performance he's been in) and the pamphlet advertising the play. He (as well as the rest of the cast) is amazed that he truly looks like a woman dressed as Mako. Yuuki doesn't step on people's feet (or lose his balance) as much during the dancing practice, but still gets yelled at for singing with a guy's voice. A female cast member asks why Yuuki had broken up with his girlfriend. When he replies that he's going out with someone else, she throws a little nasty comment at him for changing girlfriends all the time. She claims that if he were a girl he'd be called a slut, but luckily he's a guy. It makes him think about how he must seem to other people--he hadn't meant to always change girlfriends...He tended to date the girls who confessed to him because he didn't want to make them cry. It occurs to him that he'd been rather horrible to all those women...

That night Yuuki meets Yagi for dinner. They'd been unable to meet much due to Yuuki's busyness preparing for the play. Yagi is concerned that Yuuki seems even more tired than usual. Yuuki asks if Yagi had ever thought him a slut. Yagi knows that Yuuki is too nice to turn people down, but Yuuki wonders if not turning people down is actually doing them a disservice. He then remembers that he hadn't told Yagi that he is the lead in the upcoming play. Yagi is terribly happy for Yuuki and offers to treat him that night in celebration. Yuuki enjoys the dinner partly because the restaurant is full of elegant women he can observe to gain more insight into playing his role. He eventually notices that Yagi seems to be in a bad mood. At that point he hesitantly gives Yagi the ticket and pamphlet, afraid of Yagi's reaction to Yuuki's cross-dressing. Yagi doesn't make fun of his female dress, instead he praises it. Yuuki, relieved and feeling a bit silly for having been so apprehensive, tells Yagi that he'll do his best.

In the car after dinner, Yagi nervously invites Yuuki to stay over at his place that night. Yuuki understands that the invitation really is about sex. He asks if they can wait until after the play because he knows that the sex will be tough on his body and he can't afford the burden now. He thought Yagi would understand, but instead Yagi thinks that Yuuki doesn't want really want to have sex or date Yagi at all. Yagi points out that Yuuki had been stealing glances at some girl who was Yuuki's type (big-breasted) at another table throughout dinner. Yuuki hastily explains that he'd been looking at the older woman at the table to study her for his role. Yagi feels completely foolish at his unfounded jealousy, covering his flushed face with his hands. He admits that he had thought that unrequited love was tough, but now that they were dating he thinks too much and makes things hard for himself. Yuuki finds this Yagi, one who admits weakness, adorable. He pulls away Yagi's hand and kisses him on the cheek. Yagi flushes again and grips Yuuki's hand. He tells Yuuki that he really loves him and kisses him. Yuuki finds his heart thumping. He'd kissed the actor playing the officer during practices and had never felt anything, so the thought that he might be able to fall in love with Yagi springs to mind. After some kissing, Yagi holds Yuuki tightly. He notes that they were seen by some people leaving the restaurant. Yuuki wraps his arms around Yagi and tells him he doesn't really care. He thinks that Yagi should be the one concerned about appearances since he works in a municipal office. He's happy that Yagi doesn't care what other people might think when it comes to him. He notices that he fits into Yagi's arms very snugly. He wonders if Mako had loved that feeling of being enveloped too, and feels a closeness to her. Though the heater isn't on, Yuuki feels warm within Yagi's arms and is content.

Three days before opening night, Yuuki wakes up from a nightmare he's been having every night in which he forgets all of his lines on stage. He goes to practice and receives a new pair of high heels from his dancing teacher who had come to do a last check. Afterward his practice, Yuuki hangs out at the theatre for a little while longer. He knows he shouldn't think bad thoughts, but anxiety wells up within him. He wants to call Yagi for reassurance, but decides it's too late at night and starts to head home. When his cell rings he answers expecting it to be Yagi, but it turns out to be a friend from high school. They had drifted apart in college, but had reconnected at a reunion last year. The friend grouses that Yuuki had given him the wrong number (one number was off), but mentions that he'd seen the pamphlet for Yuuki's play. He congratulates Yuuki while mildly mocking him for cross-dressing and looking so good doing it. He tells Yuuki he and his girlfriend had bought tickets and that he'd like to get together sometime afterwards. They talk a bit more before hanging up. Yuuki feels a little guilty about being so insensitive, having given his friend the wrong number and not calling him. He thinks about how it hadn't even occurred to him to give his parents tickets until Yagi asked about it. He had no contact with them ever since being effectively disowned for going into acting. He decides to call Yagi anyways.

At the dress rehearsal the day before opening night, Yuuki can't help but be conscious of how stiff he is. He can only pray that he'll be fine when it's showtime. The actor playing the officer asks Yuuki about the timing of a line in the last scene, when he says "I'm happy." Mako says it when she's shot herself and the officer, taking pity on her, takes her in his arms and mutters that she's a foolish woman. Yuuki had thought of that "I'm happy" as Mako expressing her happiness that the officer had taken her hand, but the actor playing the officer suggests that Mako had said she was happy because he had acknowledged that she was a woman in his remark. Yuuki, who had been so immersed in the role he'd thought of Mako as a woman, is very surprised at the insight. Mako had always wanted to be a woman, to be thought of as a woman. She gets that acknowledgment by the man she loves at the very end. Yuuki praises the actor, joking that he wasn't all looks but had brains as well. The actor threatens to shoot him in the last scene and they laugh a bit. The actor, relieved to see that Yuuki is not so stiff that he can't laugh, walks off. Yuuki then realizes that the actor, a veteran, had been concerned for him. He hopes that someday he'll have that kind of calm and will be able to help out some nervous youngster as well.

Maruyama comes by as well, noting that though Yuuki is a bit stiff things should be fine tomorrow. He praises Yuuki for truly appearing to be a woman. He comments that the actor playing the officer has read into the script very well. He had written that last scene with the other actor's meaning, but he hadn't actually minded Yuuki's interpretation. He figured it'd be easier for the audience to understand anyhow. He lets Yuuki decide how to interpret it since Yuuki is playing the part. Maruyama mentions that in Yuuki's first performance as Mary in high school, Yuuki truly seemed to be Mary. He had planned on convincing Yuuki to join the theatre group in college and was surprised that Yuuki had joined on his own initiative. Maruyama awkwardly confesses that he'd wanted to make Yuuki shine in a play he wrote. He pats Yuuki's shoulder and tells him that he has the talent and to work hard. Yuuki, happy, takes Maruyama's hand and tells him, as Mako, "Maruyama-san, thank you. Mako is so happy," making Maruyama flush and shake off his hand.

When Yuuki gets out of practice, he notices a text message from Yagi inviting him to dinner. They leisurely eat while watching TV and talk about Maruyama. Though Maruyama and Yagi had never been acquaintances or even been in the same class, Yagi wants to meet Maruyama since Yuuki talks about him a lot. Yuuki enjoys the interaction, happy that he's able to connect with people, instead of being filled with the superficial indifference he had always felt. As they get ready to sleep (in separate futons), Yuuki thinks back on their relationship. He now thinks that their friendship had basically been dating without the sex. Staring up at the ceiling, Yagi admits he kind of thought of their relationship that way. Yuuki then announces that he's going to kiss Yagi. Yagi is startled, but quickly looks expectant. Yuuki tells Yagi not to move. He wants to keep the kiss chaste because he won't to be able to sleep otherwise. Yagi flushes and nods. Yuuki lightly presses his lips to Yagi's lips, smiles, and declares that he loves Yagi. Yagi covers his face with his hands, professing to be so happy he could die. Yuuki laughs at Yagi's hyperbole and covers himself with the futon. Yagi asks if he can't kiss Yuuki back. Yuuki tells him no, suppressing laughter under the covers. Yagi then asks if he can't at least embrace him. Thinking a hug would be okay, Yuuki sticks his head out from under the covers. But when he sees Yagi leaning over towards him he decides to be a little mean to him and sticks his hand out, telling him he can hold his hand. Yagi, crestfallen, takes his hand. Yuuki, reassured by Yagi's large hand, squeezes back. He prays that tomorrow will go well and closes his eyes.

When Yuuki arrives at the theatre, he gets a bit of teasing support from the director, who tells him that when he was first taken to see Yuuki perform by Maruyama before Yuuki had joined the troupe, he had thought Yuuki may become something big. Yuuki pouts that the director could just come out and support him unequivocally instead of just half-assed. There's more tension and joking as the cast and crew prepare for opening night, with Yuuki playing at Mako for laughs (like when he's told to buck up like a man when the eyelash curler catches skin and hurts, and he replies that he (Mako) is a woman).

The performance goes without a hitch. Some slight messing up of lines, some missteps during dancing, but nothing obvious. Yuuki is filled with the joy of performing and everybody is happy with how well things go. After several days their audience grows through word-of-mouth. Some of it has to do with the actor playing the officer (a well-known star on TV and film as well as on stage) kissing a guy, but many are moved by the story. On the fifth day they've managed to fill the theatre to standing-room only, though at the beginning of the ten-day run most nights were still half-empty. Yuuki is especially elated because Yagi will be in the audience that day. He does really well--perfect, even. He can't wait to hear Yagi's praise--Yagi had always been very supportive of him, and he knows he's doing wonderful that day. But he's shocked when Yagi leaves in the middle. He forces himself to keep going, even as he furiously wonders why Yagi had left. Did he suck? Was there some kind of emergency? Did Yagi get sick? At the last scene he is overcome with his anxiety over Yagi and barely manages to give his last lines. He runs off stage when the curtain falls and washes his face wet with real tears. He ends up doing the curtain call dressed as a man since he washed all his make-up off. He gets out as soon as possible that night and rushes over to Yagi's apartment. He immediately (angrily) asks why Yagi had left. Yagi apologizes, but Yuuki doesn't want an apology. He wants to know the reason Yagi had left. Yagi tells Yuuki that Yuuki's performance was so good he truly seemed to be in love with the officer. Yagi couldn't stand to watch Yuuki pine after and kiss another man. Yuuki can't believe Yagi had left for such a stupid reason. For Yagi it isn't stupid or trivial, but Yuuki is mad because it is a horrible embarrassment for an actor for someone to leave in the middle of his performance. Yagi can't let go of the fact that Yuuki is pretending to be in love with someone else, but Yuuki is contemptuous of Yagi's jealousy of a made-up situation. When Yagi demands to know if Yuuki can kiss or have sex with anyone in a performance, Yuuki tells him that he could. He knows that it'd be better if he lied, but he doesn't ever want to lie to Yagi. He asserts that it is not him in love on stage, it is Mako. But Yagi just can't stand it. Yagi asks Yuuki to leave. When Yuuki tries to appeal to Yagi's reason some more, Yagi tells Yuuki he'll leave his own apartment instead. Yuuki realizes there's nothing he can do at the moment and leaves. He desperately wants to clear up this issue between them. He had never been one to try to work things out with others when disagreements cropped up (such as when his parents objected to his desire to become an actor), but in this case he knew he coulddn't let things fall apart.

Yuuki feels awful about the whole situation, but the show must go on and it does extremely well. They even get another run, this time longer and in a bigger venue. Maruyama comments that he's happy that Yuuki perks up at the news. Yuuki realizes people had noticed his low spirits. He asks the actor playing the officer if his SO had ever objected to love scenes, and what he did about such a reaction. Turns out the actor's SO had never seen anything he'd been in because she? has no interest in his work. They have a good laugh about that situation since he does TV and film as well as theatre, but Yuuki ends up being told that basically if his girlfriend can't stand it she shouldn't watch it. Yuuki protests because he wants Yagi to see him perform. He's told that such an attitude is much too cruel. He can't expect his girlfriend to somehow get over her feelings and be forced to watch him in love scenes if she doesn't like it. Yuuki had been praying that Yagi would bend this time because he couldn't give in on this point, but now he doesn't know what to think...

The run ends without any contact from Yagi. Yuuki finds it tough being an actor who has to pretend to be happy when he's not and vice versa, but loves being one despite the pitfalls. Yuuki is even offered a role in a TV drama by a director who is moved by Yuuki's performance and thinks he'd be perfect for the part. Yuuki isn't very interested in doing TV, but is convinced to at least think about it. He'd like to talk about the prospect with Yagi, but hesitates. He doesn't want to hurt Yagi more if the role has love scenes.

With the end of the run Yuuki has no work until the second run the next month. He doesn't bother reading the manga the drama is based on that was delivered to his house, and instead goes through an emotional roller-coaster as he waits and prays and hopes for Yagi to call. But when he meets his old friend from high school and almost gets assaulted (the friend had been in love with him but had been too afraid to confess, and Yuuki had been completely clueless as he usually is about other people's feelings), he is spurred to see Yagi. He goes to Yagi's workplace, but realizes that he doesn't know what department Yagi works in, isn't dressed appropriately and would stick out like a sore thumb. As he sits outside thinking about what to do, he catches sight of Yagi walking down the street. He follows Yagi and is shocked to see that Yagi is meeting up with a woman who wraps her arm around his. They walk away talking amicably as Yuuki stands still in shock. He's filled with loneliness, sadness, and anger. He even thinks about finding them and yelling at Yagi, but instead he goes home.

Yuuki spends most of the next day in shock, not eating and forgetting to go to his part-time job (and getting fired). He finally calls Yagi and asks to meet him, breaking his resolution to wait for Yagi to call him. When he asks if they can meet, Yagi tells him he's at his parent's house. Yuuki tells him he will go over and hangs up. When he arrives, he finds Yagi giving kendo lessons at the dojo. He's taken inside of the house by Yagi's mother, who explains that Yagi's father had thrown out his back and so Yagi was giving the lesson in his stead. Yuuki distantly remembers encouraging Yagi's dream of someday taking over the dojo. Yuuki's mother mentions that Yagi had gone through with an omiai he couldn't refuse. She knows he's young and not interested, but she mentions that she and her husband would love to have grandchildren to teach kendo to. Yuuki had never thought much about marriage but it suddenly feels so real. He becomes very uncomfortable waiting with Yagi's mother and decides to wait for Yagi to finish the lesson in a nearby park. Yagi comes running up to Yuuki after about half an hour. Before Yagi can say much, Yuuki brings up his omiai. He has a bad feeling that Yagi is going to say something he won't like--he can sense it, they've been together for so long. But Yagi barely responds to Yuuki's question. He dives straight into the important stuff and tells Yuuki that he'd like to go back to being friends. He thinks it'll be less painful if they go back to the way they used to be. Yagi speaks by rote, as if he'd rehearsed the words. Yuuki tells Yagi he can think whatever he wants, but he doesn't want to be friends with Yagi anymore. He can't believe Yagi would think he'd be happy with a conclusion that basically rejected their five-year history. Instead, he tells Yagi he never wants to see him again and leaves.

Yuuki starts to cry as he walks away. He had never felt so hurt breaking up with someone. It is at that time that he gets a call from the director of the TV drama. He tells the director he'll take the part. He had no idea what the drama is about or who he is supposed to play, but he just wants to do something to distract him from his pain.

A month later, Yuuki meets Maruyama and the actor who plays the officer for an interview for the upcoming second run. Maruyama notices that Yuuki had lost a lot of weight. Yuuki tries to make it seem like it's due to the fact that he's wearing lighter weight clothing due to the warmer weather, but he really has lost weight. He used to eat proper meals half the week at Yagi's place, but now he eats whatever. He's slowly gotten used to being alone, but hasn't gotten around to getting a new girlfriend yet. He's picked up a couple of new part-time jobs and is studying for the TV drama part. The veteran actor apologizes for introducing Yuuki to the part, which turned out to be one of a gay pianist. He tells Yuuki that it's not a good idea to get a sexy role first time on TV because you'll get stuck with a certain image, but Yuuki doesn't mind. He just wants something to distract him. They subsequently have a brief interview with a reporter, and the veteran actor leaves for a job. Maruyama brings up Yagi, wondering if something had happened between the two. Though he doesn't know Yagi personally, Yuuki had always talked about Yagi. Recently he hasn't and that timing coincided with Yuuki's low spirits, so Maruyama wonders if they had gotten into a fight. Maruyama encourages Yuuki to make up with Yagi. He suggests Yuuki give Yagi tickets for the second run, but Yuuki tells Maruyama that Yagi had told him he doesn't want to see Yuuki's plays anymore. Maruyama immediately apologizes, but Yuuki doesn't want to let himself get too down on account of Yagi. He changes the subject by asking Maruyama about his newest script.

The time passes quickly. Yuuki is amazed at how much time and effort a TV drama takes. Though he's playing a character who doesn't have that many lines, he is often hanging out with the main character. He has to get used to the differences from acting on stage, but he's able to meet one of his idols who plays the main character's father. He's also able to become friendly with the other young actors. Yuuki decides not to think about Yagi too much. He has to move forward, despite his lingering feelings. He wants to be able to give as best a performance as he can, to keep true to the feelings he had expressed to Yagi in their fight. And yet he sometimes dreams of a gentle Yagi, always crying a bit when he wakes up.

They go through the second run, which, thanks to word of mouth and magazine reports, is mostly sold out. Yuuki is again filled love for the theatre. He loves the transience of it, that there is a beginning and and end to their concerted effort. He loves the immediate gratification of the audience reaction. The night before the last performance, he faints after the performance. He's taken to the hospital and given fluids. Turns out he's malnourished. He's lectured long and hard about taking care of his health, though the troupe head does give him permission to perform on the last night. The next night, he's able to get through even the dance numbers thanks to help from the other cast members. He is thankful for such a wonderful supportive troupe and for the audience's palpable attention that helps him keep his focus. At the end, the veteran actor compliments him on a fabulous performance. During the curtain call, Yuuki is astounded to see Yagi in the audience. He wonders if he is dreaming or hallucinating, but does confirm that Yagi is in fact there. He is filled with joy that Yagi had come and watched to the end. Afterwards, he rushes outside to look for Yagi. He manages to find Yagi and pull him aside before getting mobbed by the other audience members. Yuuki can't really get anything out, he's so overwhelmed with the simple fact that Yagi is there in front of him. He can only comment that Yagi watched the play to the end. Yagi admits that it was tough for a while, but he was moved in the end. He tells Yuuki that it was his best performance ever. Yuuki, happy to finally hear the words he had so desperately wanted to hear, starts to cry. He leans into Yagi's chest, and Yagi embraces him. Yagi apologizes for being so stupid. He had been so worried that Yuuki might not want to hang around him after the fight,which was why he proposed that they go back to being friends. But he tells Yuuki that he should have instead said he loved him. Yagi asks for forgiveness. He doesn't want to be friends, he doesn't want to part with Yuuki.

Yuuki is happy that Yagi still loves him. He tells Yagi he loves him as well. He then proposes going to a hotel. He takes Yagi to some random hotel (that is not a love hotel, as Yagi would not be accustomed to going to a love hotel) and takes a shower to get rid of his messed up make up. He doesn't let Yagi take a shower and knocks him down onto the bed, wanting to have sex as soon as possible. He needs concrete proof that Yagi is back. He climbs on Yagi and starts to kiss him. Yagi is surprised but immediately responds. As they remove their clothing Yagi is shocked to see how thin Yuuki has gotten. Yuuki half-jokingly complains that it's because Yagi wasn't around to feed him. They proceed to have sex. After Yagi inserts himself, he tells Yuuki that he's made a terrible mistake. He'd forgotten to put on a condom! Yuuki tells him he doesn't mind, after all he's not a girl that can get pregnant. He doesn't really want to experience the painful insertion experience again right then, in any case. Yagi asks if it'll be okay if he comes inside (though he can't quite state it clearly, Yuuki gets the idea). Yuuki tells him he doesn't mind.

Though they want to take it easy afterwards, they have to leave before the trains stop running. Unfortunately, Yuuki finds that he can't actually stand up. He collapses when he tries to force himself up while Yagi takes a shower. When Yagi sees him on the floor he thinks Yuuki is in pain from the sex, but Yuuki tells him it's because he'd collapsed the night before. Yagi is upset that Yuuki hadn't told him, but Yuuki knows that Yagi would've never had sex that night if he'd known. Yagi helps him clean up and carries him piggyback to the theatre to pick up his things. Yuuki finds out that Yagi had known about the second run because Maruyama had called Yagi's parents house and asked them to tell Yagi about it. Yagi is grateful that Maruyama had given him a chance to apologize to Yuuki and asks to meet him to thank him. As they walk through the dirty city streets, Yuuki finds that everything glitters, even the trash. It's all because the person he loves is with him.

In the side story, Yuuki has a bit of a problem. Yagi had gotten hooked on the shoujo manga that the drama he's in is based on (even buying the entire set for himself). When the drama starts airing they watch it together. But in the fifth episode Yuuki's character Atsuya kisses the main character's father. Yuuki's not certain how Yagi will react, even though that kiss is not real. But by the time the fifth episode comes around he has a plan. That night he goes to Yagi's apartment straight from the studio still in costume with silver hair and glasses (Atsuya is a mysterious bishonen character who seems to be involved with the main character's father yet also seems to be in love with the main character, randomly plays piano in bars, knows shady people and gets into trouble that the main character has to save him from. With silver hair and glasses. Yeah, he's that kind of character. XD). Yagi is a bit puzzled at what possessed Yuuki to come over dressed as Atsuya, but he had wanted to see Atsuya in person so he's happy. They watch the fifth episode together. At the scene where Atsuya kisses the main character's father, Yuuki climbs onto Yagi's lap and kisses him. He says the same words as Atsuya in the TV ("You're not interested in me?"), then gives Yagi a blow-job. He makes Yagi come on his face (and glasses), totally embarrassing Yagi. They then have sex on the couch. Yuuki has grown to love anal sex and they are quite enthusiastic.

After that, Yagi absolutely won't watch the drama with Yuuki anymore, and Yuuki overhears Yagi apologizing to Atsuya while reading the manga as well.

+++++

First off, I can't believe how stupid the play is. The book actually goes into more detail about the plot which I skipped because it was pure silly melodrama. But I couldn't help but love Yuuki's dedication to his role and to acting, and the wonderful characters at the troupe. They are a lovely bunch. XDXD

I am sooo glad that the uke doesn't remain some reluctant blushing virgin re: sex past the first time (and in this case, Yuuki is the one with initiative). I love that he loves sex and loves to make the seme crazy (and totally embarrass him in the process). They feel very equal. It doesn't feel like one character is so much better than the other and deserves better, like half the novels out there. Both have strengths and faults, and in the end they compliment each other. It's just so sweet!

And how can one not love that side story?





First blow-job by a guy for Yuuki.




Sweet times for the two.




Yagi walking out on the play!




Yagi and Yuuki fighting.




Yagi asking Yuuki if they can go back to being friends.




After reconciling, Yagi is shocked at how thin Yuuki has become.



Sex!



Yagi returning the favor by dressing in hakama for Yuuki, though he asserts that he wasn't dressed like that specifically because Yuuki had said he likes Yagi in hakama. Tsundere seme! *laughs*


Nothing like a simple sweet story to lift the spirits. ^^